The other day I walked over to McDonalds to snag myself a delicious two cheeseburger meal before dinner. I wore my blue suede shoes and mumbled a poem constructed out of traditional shaman lullabies while I walked. I walked by a group of my peers and stopped to lift my feet up for them, displaying my fancy footwear. They feigned confusion, but I knew the truth. I knew that their fantasies had been fulfilled.

I arrived at McDonalds and walked up to the counter. I ordered a two cheeseburger meal. I requested that that meal be upgraded to “large” size.

“Would you also like to upgrade further to “Super” size, sir?”

“Yes. Wait. I thought they got rid of super size.”

“Yes but considering your status, a special exception can be made.”

I stared at her. “My, uh…my status?”

“Yes, sir…” She seemed confused by my confusion. “You are the Burger King…”

My mouth dropped open. Suddenly everything made sense. My existence, the strange words on my schoolbooks, my blue suede shoes…Slowly, I smiled at her. “I am…I am…the Burger King…”

Suddenly the people in line formed a circle around me. The McDonalds employees came out from the kitchen and stood up on the front counter. All of them lifted their hands into the air and waved them back and forth. They began to chant “You are the Burger King! You are the Burger King!” in joyous sing-song voices. And I shouted back, in jubilation, “I am the Burger King! I am the Burger King!” I threw up my hands and swayed along with them. A man with cat ears growing out of his shiny bald head came forth from the tiled McDonalds floor and presented me with a Super Sized two cheeseburger meal…on a golden platter.

The bald cat-eared man lifted me above his head and spun me around as the chants continued. I feasted on my Super Sized two cheeseburger meal while I was skillfully displayed in the air. I lifted my blue suede shoes into the sky to be displayed for all, and the crowd cheered in amazement. The bald cat-eared man extended his neck up to my ear and whispered, “Things are looking up for us.”

The Burger King smiled nobly, gazing around at the celebration below him, and nodded at the bald cat –eared man, in turn whispering this historic slogan: “Yes, friend. Yes to all friends…I am the Burger King of the world, and I am here.” And the bald man with his shiny head and cat ears simply nodded, for he knew that this, above all things, was true.

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